As the parent of two children who have both been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), I have learned much about the character of my children, and perhaps as importantly, I have learned much about my own. Some of these realities can be frightening at times, but most can be addressed and handled in a positive and meaningful way so the children are not constantly under the gun with unrealistic expectations for their behavior and accomplishments.
Sometimes "average" can be an excellent achievement. This is not to say that we do not give our children every chance to excel, but they must do so with guidance and support from parents, teachers and counselors. They are not oh so different from other kids, but their actions are magnified by their impulsivity, an inability to tell the truth for even the most inane issues, they tend to blurt out words or make statements that no normal thinking person would dare say and they often regret their behavior but are typically not able to control themselves without some help. The scary part for me is their near total lack of fear. This results in lots of little and sometimes major accidents where they injure themselves and sometimes others.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disordes
I first learned of my son's disorder when he was nearly five years old. I did not receive this assessment with open arms, but when I reflected upon my son's behavior and the trouble he had developing social skills, staying on task or simply blurting out words that could bring lawsuits in an adult context, many of the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. He was, and still can be, very impulsive. Many children are. He becomes very angry from time to time. Well, I can understand that, too. Afterall. in his eyes his mother has abandoned him and left him and his baby sister to live with their father, while she went off to live her own life. This will likely be a sore point for both my children if their mother continues to live as if she only needs to be available to them when she chooses.
School is where the biggest problems have occurred. My son was disruptive in class and confrontational with students and even teachers and administrators from time to time. I have spent a lot of time working with my son to explain to him ad nauseum that actions and behaviors have consequences. Thankfully, I have also learned from the lessons I continue to impress upon my son, and in time he has developed a cursory understanding that it is more important to think about what you intend to say before you open your mouth, than to simply blurt out whatever comes to mind and then pay the price for having done so. His lack of impulse control has cost him dearly on several occasions, however, each event was also a life lesson that we both reviewed and talk about. We do this not to keep old wounds open, but the reassert the true lesson and keep it in mind to enable him to avoid repeating it. And when he stops himself, it is an event worth celebrating because this reinforces his belief that he can do it. When a child believes they can accomplish a task, most any task, it is good for their psychological growth and for a child afflicted with ADHD, it can be a game changer.
School has become an ever larger part of my son's life and he is on his way to junior high school next year. But as he advanced through grade school it was apparent that he was not going to be able to keep up with the level of work each grade required. His socialization skills have improved dramatically, but that was not the case when he was five or six or even seven or eight years of age.
Early on the sight vocabulary words were impossible for him to read and recall, his vocalizations were often unintelligible, and he became angry with me on more than one occasion because I would ask him to repeat himself. An IEP, (Individual Education Program) was established for him when he entered first grade and these individually designed learning programs have been updated annually since that time. This tool, or road map, is one of the best ways to track a child's progress through his or her school career. And when used in conjunction with report cards and notices from teachers or administrators, I can keep up to speed with my children's progress and provide incentives to help keep my children motivated.
An IEP allows accommodations to be allocated based on what grade level the child is working at presently, what goals need to be achieved and through what means. Every child with a learning disability should have one of these developed for them and it should be kept current. I attend a meeting every year to review my children's growth. Have they met or exceeded the criteria established for them? Is there still a problem area? If so, additional resources can be allocated to assist a child and help bring them up to class level. These resources might include one on one instruction with a special education teacher, or extra time to take a test - the same test all other students take, but special attention may be required to ensure the ADHD child understands what a test question is asking. Or, if a child simply needs to talk to someone, they have a counselor or a social worker they are provided access to.
There are many possibilities and an annual review is but one way to ensure that the parent or parents, the teachers and staff are all on the same page. Further, if I notice a problem or positive growth in any area I, as the parent of children for whom IEP's have been developed and put in force, have the option to ask that a meeting be scheduled outside the normaltime frame of an annual review to address the problem area specifically, or to remove an accommodation that is no longer needed. There are federal laws in effect that provide both the children and the parents of those children the right to have special needs assessed and a plan of action developed to enable such afflicted children the opportunity to succeed.
Such programs in no way reduce the responsibility a child has for trying to do his or her best and make a concerted attempt to succeed. And has been shown over time very, very few children intentionally start out with the idea that failure is an option. These children want very much to succeed, but they have a hurdle that must be dealt with literally around the clock, and often into and through adulthood. Some small percentage of children may outgrow this condition, but most simply become adults who continue to wage an on-going battle with their ADHD.
As noted in the summary above, changes in definition and focus have occurred in recent years as a result of ongoing ADHD research and testing. Today, it is no longer appropriate to simply view this disorder as an "attention" issue. The condition is more accurately identified as a lack of self-regulation, or "How the self comes to manage itself within the larger realm of social behavior."
To label it a disorder of attention trivializes the disorder, since it grossly understates the substantial and dramatic problems these children face in trying to meet the challenges of their daily lifes and the increasing demands of their families, schools, and society to regulate themselves as they mature. [Preface, pg xi, Taking Charge of ADHD, Revised edition,© 2005 by Russell A. Barkley, PhD.©.]
Too often people doubt the existence of this disorder and instead put the onus for a child's behavior on a lack of parenting or improper parenting, and insist that better discipline is the way to resolve this problem. And I will bet you that none of these people have ever had the opportunity themselves to raise a child afflicted with this condition for which two genes have been reliably identified in the molecular genetics of ADHD.
Many parents fall prey to information that has no scientific basis and yet has die hard adherents. Simply saying something isn't so in no way reduces the stress and strain this condition has on a child or the family as they battle day to day and hour to hour to find the means for helping a young one who in one moment is an angel and in the next a rambunctious terror. And when you awaken to the sounds of crying from your child who cannot understand why they do what they do and often cannot do much but shrug their shoulders in response to the question, Why? Or, what did you hope to gain from the destruction of that toy or game? You come to realize that your child or children truly are victims of a condition they have no control over. If you have ever lived with anyone who is suffering from ADHD, you know it is real because no human being could manifest such divergent personality traits without a medical or psychological condition being involved.
Children or adults who suffer from this malady have "... a disturbed sense of time.... They do not use their sense of time to guide their behavior as well as others, and therefore cannot manage themselves relative to time, deadlines, and the future generally as well as others are able to do. This includes intervals as short as 10-20 seconds. Time escapes them and they are never as able to deal with it as effectively as others of their age group do." [Preface, page xi.Taking Charge of ADHD...],.
Again, referencing the revised edition of Taking Charge of ADHD... . In the introduction Dr. Barkley provides a philosophy for the parents of children who are diagnosed ADHD and it essentially involves viewing our responsibilities as a three legged stool. The individual legs are:
Becoming a Principle-Centered Parent - the bottom line is that we have to hold ourselves to a higher standard because we have control over the outcome and the freedom to act to change what happens.We must be bigger and better than we were before we became parents to ADHD afflicted children. We are the one person a child must know they can turn to regardless of the issue. Becoming An Executive Parent - Here we are the life case managers for our children. We need to educate ourselves and ask questions. Be the executive case manager for your child and keep control in your hands. Often this is a position we will maintain for most of our children's lives, even into adulthood, thus the term "life case managers". Becoming A Scientific Parent - Question everything, be open to new information, but remain skeptical. Experiment but allow for revisions and make changes based on results.
As previously noted, I am a parent working with two children diagnosed with ADHD and I know with no one else having to tell me that my children have an issue and it is not of their doing. Raising children is always a challenge and there are many, varied perspectives on how to properly accomplish that task, but having children with this disorder provides me an opportunity, and this book, Taking Charge Of ADHD, revised edition by Russell A. Barkley, PhD., is serving well as an excellent and authoritative guide for me to follow.
There are many other books out in the marketplace that can provide you with perspective and high quality information regarding this condition and a few I would recommend to any parent include:
Delivered From Distraction,© 2005,by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., and John J. Ratey, M.D
Driven To Distraction, ©1994, by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., and John J. Ratey, M.D
Attention Deficit Disorder - A Different Perception, © 1993, 1997, by Thom Hartmann
You can never have too much information or insight into this life changing condition. It is controllable with medication if the dosage is correct for your child's body size, metabolic rate and attitude. But working with such children itself requires a diplomatic mind set and a willingness to avoid unnecessary confrontations.
This is one case where I find that I must pick and choose which battles are most important for my children's healthy growth and maturation. The steps seem always to be incremental when moving toward the positive and horribly extreme when the negative infiltrates the relationship between an ADHD child and a parent. Our responsibility is great, raising any child is a great responsibility. Raising a child, or children, with ADHD provides us with the opportunity to be more than we otherwise might be have been. Take the challenge as we ask our afflicted children to do the same. We cannot expect more of them than we ask of ourselves.
I welcome your input and am open to any comments or discussion you may wish to initiate relative to ADHD, the behavior of the next generation or our responsibility as their parents.
Behavioral Problems Beyond the Norm - ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
ไม่มีความคิดเห็น:
แสดงความคิดเห็น